Whole Again – The first Meeting
by RosalynOfTheNight
Summary: Olivia is thinking about her relationship with Elliot and looking back at their first meeting   post Fault and Underbelly  .


**Title:** Whole Again – The first Meeting

**Author: **Rosalyn

**Shipping:** Elliot/Olivia

**Genre:** Angst, Romance

"I want a new partner."  
That was what she said to the captain.  
Now sitting at her desk at her new job at Computer Crimes, the words of her former partner Elliot came to her mind.  
"Look, we both choose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise we can't be partners."  
And they echo in her head again and again causing her a bad headache.

That was right before she had left him. It was complicated.  
Elliot thought they could not do their job properly as long as they were too important to each other. But that was the point. He was just too important to her. Perhaps more than was healthy. So these words hurt her very much. She also knew he did not meant to hurt her. Nevertheless she had to leave, because she could not stand it anymore at this time.  
So sitting there late in the evening, trying to forget those words, she was thinking about the first time she met Elliot and how she felt about him.

Now, one year later it feels like a déjà-vu to her. No matter how much it hurt back then, it was nothing compared with what she was feeling now. Not only that they were apart for a long time again but also seeing Elliot with a new partner, a female partner. They had just replaced her. Seeing Elliot and Dani together so close made a sharp sting to her heart, (she dated Dean Porter just to get over it) so she didn't feel ready to go back to her partnership with Elliot again very soon.

_Time is laying heavy on my heart  
Seems I've got too much of it since we've been apart,  
My friends make me smile if only for while,  
You can make me whole again._

Later in the evening, she sits in her apartment on her couch looking at the picture of Elliot and herself, and remembers the first time they had been apart for a longer time. And again she thinks back at their first meeting.

Olivia was very nervous. Today was her first day at her new job. She was going to work in the Special Victims Unit.  
She just talked to the Captain and got her badge and gun. Then they entered the squad room.  
"Hey guys!" roared Captain Cragen. "May I have your attention please?"  
The heads of three busy men (actually debating one of Munch's theories) were turning towards him. And then they spotted Olivia.  
"This is Detective Olivia Benson. She is a new member from now on" Cragen said.  
All eyes were on her.  
"These are the Detectives John Munch, Brian Cassidy and Elliot Stabler, your new partner."  
They all were shaking hands with her. When it came to Stabler she observed him carefully. He was tall and strong and had clear blue eyes. He smiled at her friendly.  
"To a good partnership" he said still smiling and observing her, too. "You've got any questions, just ask."  
"Thank you" she replied smiling back at him.  
The first impression of him was quite nice. She thought he was smart and that they would work quite well together.  
At first she had to do some paperwork to get details on the running cases. But besides she got also some more details on Stabler. For example that he was married with four children, the oldest of the age of fifteen. That impressed her very much. She was wondering how he got to handle this with his job together. As far she knew, this job included a lot of extra work.

This night she laid awake for a long time thinking about that day. The crimes she saw and the people she was now working with. She got along with her partner Elliot very well. And she couldn't say that she was not a little bit attracted to him. But the same moment she thought that, she tried to refuse thinking about such things. Forbidden terrain actually. It was not allowed to have a sexual relationship in the precinct so she made a vow not to fall in love with someone she works with. Especially not with Elliot Stabler…

That worked very well Olivia thinks ironically. She sighs, putting down the photo that she was looking at.

That day has changed her life in different ways. All the cases, the crimes and victims and their traumatic stories have pushed her to her limits. And sometimes she broke. She didn't know if she could have made it through this without Elliot. She never had someone like him before. He is her friend and he cares for her. She can lean on him in hard times. He doesn't treat her different because of her damage or because she's a woman. She is his partner. She knows that she can trust him and that he's there for her if she needs him.

That's why they can work together so perfectly. It's the chemistry between them that makes them get along so well. She had felt that already during their first case together, the first time she met him and looked into his blue, lightly troubled eyes.

She has really tried to avoid any romantic feelings for Elliot, but still they come up and she cannot do anything. She just denied them and banned them in the very back corner of her heart.

But in lonely times like these they come up again and she is surprised how strong these feelings are.

Elliot is everything to her. He was there for her when she needed him most. Actually, most of the time. He watches her back, protecting her and lies for her.

She can talk about everything to him; he knows her deepest and darkest secrets. When he looks at her she feels like he is looking right into her soul.

He is the only one she really trusts and the only one left since her mother died. He is the only one who can make her whole again when she is broken. Broken like this.

For that she loves him. And she's sure she will go back to him.

She is glad to have him as her partner because she feels safe and comfortable when she is with him.

But she also knows that she can never tell him. And that she can never have him.

Usually he is there to help her through when she is broken like this. She is wondering how long she can handle it before she will return. Return to her partner and be with him again, hoping that he can fix the wound in her heart and that, maybe, she finally gets over it.

_For now I'll have to wait,  
But, baby, if you change your mind don't be too late,  
'cause I just can't go on,  
It's already been too long,  
But you can make me whole again.  
Looking back on when we first met,  
I can not escape and I can not forget,  
Baby, you are the one  
You still turn me on,  
You can make me whole again._

**~+~the end~+~**


End file.
